You never see any of the other passengers. You enter a wide open space with one seat in the middle, you sit, listen to music and watch movies until the end of the flight. A door opens to your right and you walk through. "Thank you, here is your ticket" You are handed a minimalistic ticket with your picture at the top, it already has all of your information. She smiles and says "Welcome to OS X Air, please allow us to take your picture", at which point a camera in the wall you didn't notice before takes your picture. You enter a white terminal, and all you can see is a woman sitting in the corner behind a white desk, you walk up to get your ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. The signs are huge and all point the same way. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever. The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on.Īll the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.Įverybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport.
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